KEYS TO COMMUNICATION
by Marie S Zachary
Summary: When Jade is out of control Beck remembers a book he read called KEYS TO COMMUNICATION.  Using the tricks in the book he starts to get through to her but Jade has a secret.  What will happen when that secret is revealed after he reads her journal
1. K stands for KNOWLEDGE

I don't own Victorous. Just the idea

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><p>Beck sighed. Jade was in the middle of another one of her rants again. This time she was going on and on and on about how he always sided with Tori and how dare he ignore her and not consider her feelings and how he never listens. Looking down at the book in his hands that Sikowitz gave him awhile back he suddenly remembered K. K stood for knowing. Jade needed to know that she was heard. She needed to know that she was understood and she needed to know that he loved her. He hadn't been doing a very good job of showing that lately. Quickly he walked over to her and sat down next to her putting an arm around her and waited until she had calmed down to talk.<p>

"You've been going through a difficult time lately," he began, "and you feel unheard and like nobody cares. I've haven't been doing such a great job of making you feel secure lately because I've been irritated. I said something that made you feel like I don't put you first or even on the list which I definitely should **not **have said and I **am **sorry that I said that.  
>Jade looked at him. She was amazed. He really got it.<p>

"Yes," she said, "That's exactly it. I feel like I can't do anything right anymore."

"Jade," Beck said, "I can understand where those feelings are coming from. I hope you know that isn't true"

"If it's not true then why is all of this happening," Jade asked  
>He started to explain but then stopped.<p>

"You're feeling confused as to why all this is happening," he said. It was a statement not a question.

"Exactly"

"I guess I had unrealistic expectations of you. I was expecting you to be extraordinary but sometimes I forget that you are extraordinary. When you fight with Tori for example or start being moody I sometimes feel like you are doing it just to be bitchy but I need to start putting myself in your shoes. I mean if my brother died the way that your sister died this summer and I felt like I was losing you to someone who in my mind was better then me and you said the same thing to me that I said to you this morning and all this stuff was happening to me that is happening to you I think I would be on the verge of losing my cool the way that you were on the verge of losing your cool. I didn't look at it the way you were seeing it. I was looking it as you were expecting me to play favorites and treat you special-"

"Is there something wrong with that even," she asked him with a slight smirk.  
>He refused to let himself be brought into an argument, especially when she was right. What was wrong with that?<p>

"You are special," he told her ending it there. He wasn't going to add a but into that. Instead he said, "I will try to be more aware of that in the future. You also feel like I don't care or understand how you're feeling sometimes"

"Well like this afternoon for example. I was clearly anxious. You saw that I was anxious and yet you didn't even bother to acknowledge the fact that I was anxious."  
>Beck ran a hand through his hair.<p>

"Yeah," he said, "I probably should have done that."

"Another example would be a few days ago," Jade said, "You didn't take the time to ask me why I was acting the way I was or why I didn't listen to you. You just... well you know what you did. I mean **yes **you apologized and I appreciate that you apologized but there could have been a lot of problems because of how you handled that situation."

"You felt like I didn't handle the situation correctly," Beck clarified. "and that I was completely out of line by being so impulsive"

"Maybe not completely," Jade said, "But at least 75%"

"All of this can be resolved," Beck said

"I know," Jade replied, "But that doesn't mean it should have happened in the first place."

"I wish I could change my mistakes," Beck said, "But I don't think it's possible to do that right now. Believe me if I could I would"

"You can't," Jade said, "But you can avoid it in the future"

"I will," he promised, "and for the record I DON'T think Tori is better then you. I love you not Tori"

Jade sighed in relief.

"I really thought I was losing you," she said, "after the incident when I made fun of Tori"

"Sometimes it's hard for me to understand how you're feeling," Beck said, "I wish that I could"

"Beck I wasn't even making fun of her," Jade said, "I was empathizing with her"

"How? You said she must be feeling stupid"

"I said she must really be feeling like shit," Jade said

"Okay how is that any better," Beck asked.

"I was letting her know I understand how she was feeling," Jade said.

"I know I've been a bit insensitive lately," Beck said, "but I promise I'll make it up to you"

"You will," she asked, "How?"

"Um... it's a surprise," he said, "Meanwhile how about we go get a cup of coffee?"

Jade grinned

"I'd love that," she told him

He put an arm around her and then they went out for coffee. As they were leaving something dropped to the floor.


	2. Diary part I

The following day Tori rang the doorbell.

"Come on in Vega," Jade said

"Thanks," Tori said, "You dropped this"

It was Jade's diary.

"Thanks," Jade said smiling slightly at Tori.

"Come on," Jade said putting her book on her dresser drawer, "You want to go get some lunch?"

"Yeah," Tori said, "I would like that"

They went out. Beck took this opportunity to read Jade's diary

_Friday_

_Ever since VEGA came to our school I felt invisible. Do you know where I am right now? I'm in a fucken time out. Beck made me go sit on the steps and he's ignoring me. I hate Vega now more then I have ever hated her. She thinks she's so special. Well I'm fucken **glad **she feels stupid. Now she knows how **I **felt when **she **kissed Beck. Who does she think she is? I hate her. She makes me sick. Every day it's 'Jade be nice to Tori' 'Jade we can't be together again until your nice to Tori' 'Jade we don't pour coffee on other people's head'. I swear I feel like cutting again. I feel like everyone is against me. Even my own twin sister is against me. Like the book says FUCK MY LIFE._

Beck felt a bit of fear as he read that. Was Jade really cutting again? Part of him thought she was manipulating him but that didn't make very much sense. He had no business reading her diary but he was glad that he did. He turned the page.

_Monday_

_I'm going to scream. I swear I'm going to scream. My life is meaningless and pointless. Annie died Friday. She was hit by a car. My best childhood friend... the one who used to bark excitedly whenever I would come home is dead. I miss her so badly. Beck didn't understand. He said "OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD IT WAS JUST A DOG IT WAS GOING TO DIE SOMETIME!" I got so mad I kicked him out of his own RV. He apologized later which is a good thing. I know how hard it is to apologize so I appreciate that Beck did apologize._

"Wow," Beck whispered, "Was I really that insensitive?"

_Sunday_

_Okay it's official. My life sucks worse then candy... (you know like sucking candy). I just had a huge argument with my sister because she sided against me. VEGA is a winner and me... I'M NOT and it's been SIX DAYS since Beck and I have... been together. Why? Because he won't 'be with me' until I'm nice to Vega. How am I supposed to be nice to her? She instigates with me. Do you know she had the nerve to wear **pink **today? Pink. Yes you heard me right. She wore pink. Why did she wear pink? Well it's so obvious that she doesn't want me and Beck to 'be together'. I am going out of my mind. I may have to start cutting again. It gives me a euphoric feeling. Hold on diary. I'll be right back._

_There. That's better. I made another cut so I know I'll be able to make it through another day. I made one cut for each day. Maybe I'll sever a major artery and bleed to death. Wouldn't that be great. I would totally love that because it would end all my pain. WHY DOES HE ALWAYS SIDE WITH HER! Why can't I be a winner? Why Vega? I mean, doesn't Beck see how much he means to me. I am NOT going to let Vega win. She is going to apologize to **me **if it kills her, NOT the other way around. I hate my life. FUCK MY LIFE. ':(_

Beck felt like a spray of ice water hit him in the stomach. He could not believe that Jade had been genuinely affected by everything that was going on and yet he didn't realize it. He thought she was just being bratty. He didn't realize she was doing things to put herself in harms way.

_Wednesday_

_I am going to kill Beck. He is in so much trouble it is not even funny. It's student/teacher week where the students trade places with the teachers for a week if they win an essay contest. I didn't enter. I couldn't care less but Beck entered and he won. Well today he said **the thing **that he knew would piss me off. Then when I didn't listen he had to report my noncompliance to Lane who removed me from my leading role in the school play. Now VEGA has it. I said I would **try **to be nicer to her. I didn't say I would succeed. I am mad at the world today. Beck is pissing me off for the way he acted. Vega is in trouble with me. She'll regret the fact that she kissed my boyfriend and stole my part. Hold on diary. I'll be right back._

_There another cut. Now I'm calm again._

_Beck apologized for our fight. Everything is resolved. _

_Tuesday_

_Beck got mad at me for embarrassing Vega. I can forgive him for that but I cannot forgive him for acting like a cold fish after_

Beck remembered that day. He remembered the details very well. It seemed as if it were yesterday. He thought he had been doing the right thing that day. He wanted Jade to understand that she couldn't be mean to people and there not be consequences. Looking back now he shouldn't have gotten mad in the first place let alone again. It was out of line on his part. He had apologized to Tori but he was a cold fish to Jade for hours after that.

_Friday_

_When you go through a hard time it feels like it will never get better. I still feel bad. It is FRIDAY and I still feel bad. How the hell is that possible? I still feel bad. I am falling short. I am loosing hold on whatever it is that holds me together. Ava says that I'm not acting like myself. She says that Nikki is right. Nikki is a bitch. Ava says that may be so but I've been acting out of character and that the way I've been lately is scary. I haven't lost my cool. But nobody seems to understand that. I want everything I lost to come back to me. I want things to get better again. I want my life to not suck._

_I stopped the pain with a pair of scissors. I got them from the scissor museum. I also am the lead singer for a concert coming up. Beck doesn't know. Oh boy is he going to be surprised. I have to be sure to take my scissors with me because I know I'll get nervous. I can't even discuss the concert with Beck because he shuts me down. It is so annoying. Beck seems to think he knows everything and he doesn't._

_Saturday_

_I hate Catherine. She consistently picks on Cat without any reason and finally Cat punched her in the nose. I am so proud of Cat. She's such a great person. Cat had a rough day today. I swear I felt like I was going to cry thinking about what Cat had gone though today. It's bad enough when I have a tough day but this is CAT we're talking about here and she's innocent. _

Beck put the book down but it was too late. Jade walked in right at that time.

"Were you reading my journal," she asked

"No," Beck said, "I was reading your diary. That's... not the same as a journal."

"Beck!"

"We have to talk about the things that are in this journal," Beck said, "But not right now. Right now I want you to go take a hot bath. I'll fix us some dinner and we will have this conversation start to finish."

"We don't have to talk about it," Jade said

"Yes," Beck told her firmly, "We do need to talk about it. We are going to talk about it"

"Beck for goodness sake it wasn't as if I kissed him. He kissed me and I pushed him away"

"I didn't get up to that," Beck said, "But whoever it is thank you for pushing him away"

Jade smiled briefly and went upstairs to take a bath. There was so much they had to get to the bottom of. She was trying to get through too much all at once and that wasn't even possible.


End file.
